there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
