what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
