I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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