I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
