i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
