Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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