Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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