Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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