You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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