he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
