I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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