Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
