her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
