you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
