ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
