I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We are all done wearing pants today
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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