Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
