South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
