Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The uberlube is also flammable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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