Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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