What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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