I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
