That's when you crack a 10am beer
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
