Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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