No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
