God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my poor anus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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