I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i now understand why vodka
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
