We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
