I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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