I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
