so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Farmville is her only friend.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
