using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
