i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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