wanna go halves on a baby?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
