I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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