he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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