I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
