I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
