I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
