dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
