He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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