You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
