Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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