Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
