it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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