Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And then my night got REAL pukey
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
