Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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