If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
