Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
