On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
