am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
